help
Posted at 15/04/2008
|
|
am having big probs my profile wont let me become anyones fan and its doing my head in can someone help me if poss plz
|
|
View Comments (1)
|
|
my fav one liners
Posted at 28/03/2008
|
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
Every man wants a woman who's a virgin... and a slut.
People who think about sex alday are always smiling
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
You remind me of a parking ticket.....
You got fine written all over it-----------------------------------------
I hope you fuck like your sister
my girlfriend caught the crabs, so i bought her some fish net stalkings
Hi...will you let me 'DO' your daughter if I 'DO' YOU first??"
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
horny dosnt even begin to cover it
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken
If my dog had a mug like yours I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
Fat chicks give better head because there so hungry lol
|
|
View Comments (1)
|
|
diary of a house husband
Posted at 05/03/2008
|
Diary of A House Husband
This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you.
1). Make the beds......
What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that.
Scratch one.
2). Pick up dog poop in yard.......
It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?
Scratch two.
3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners.......
Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.
Scratch three.
This is easy, what's the fuss.
Think I'll go on the computer for a while.
4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet.......
Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed.
Scratch four.
5). Mop kitchen floor.....
The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.
Scratch five.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6). Find something fun for the kids to do.....
That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.
Scratch six.
This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer
7). Vacuum the carpets......
That's a hard one.......
Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.
Scratch seven.
8). Feed kids lunch.....
Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too?
YESSSS Scratch eight !!
9). Clean out hallway closet......
Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed.
Scratch nine.
Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishs
10). Do laundry.....
no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer
Scratch ten.
11). Fold laundry.....
dang Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool.
Scratch eleven.
|
|
View Comments (0)
|
|
if easy offended dont read
Posted at 05/03/2008
|
What do you call an intelligent blonde? a labrador
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
A blonde goes into a store and says "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?". The guy says "No, I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home, colours her hair red, and goes back to the store. She says,"Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says,"I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home, colours her hair pitch black and goes back. She says,"Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says," No I don't sell anything to blondes." She says,"How do you know I'm a blonde?" He says, "Because that, young lady, is a microwave."
|
|
View Comments (0)
|
|
Morning S-e-x?????
Posted at 05/03/2008
|
Morning S-e-x?????
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Marie, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Marie, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly Daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in the kitchen."
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Marie answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs."
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand!
|
|
View Comments (0)
|
|
ONLY READ IF U CAN HANDLE TWISTED JOKES
Posted at 26/02/2008
|
A mother and her daughter were sitting in the family room one day, watching
a family channel when all of a sudden a porno scene pops up and then disappears.
The little girl asked her mother what the two people were doing and the mother replied, obviously shocked, "Oh, they're just baking cakes honey."
The next day the little girl goes to her mother in the kitchen and confesses that she saw mommy and daddy bake some cakes last night. The mother, again shocked, asked her daughter how she knew about that. Hence, the little girl replied "Because I Licked The Icing Off The Couch."
FIN
~ I warned you!
|
|
View Comments (1)
|
|
